If doing these things meant that homosexuality would not visit a Christian home, then we wouldn’t see it cropping up so often. Praying, wishing and believing will not make your child straight. That’s your job as a parent and a Christian - to love unconditionally.ĥ. You have the opportunity to make the most of their trust and come through for them with the unconditional love of a parent. They took this chance either because they trusted you and hoped for the best, or because they could not stand to live inauthentically any longer. They know that once it is said, it cannot be unsaid. Some gay teens have been shamed, banished, threatened, beaten, and shunned. Be kind to yourself and your child through this. Give yourself time to process all of your own emotions.
Your child will have their own list of emotions to deal with don’t hand them yours. You may flood with fear, doubt, anger, grief, disappointment, shame, anguish or guilt, but do not let those hinder you from expressing your unconditional love and admiration for your child. In this moment, your child needs to know he/she/they did the right thing by telling you. Imagine for a moment the courage it took to tell you about their sexuality, especially when they know it seems to contradict your core beliefs. Ask them things like, “When did you know?” “How long have you felt this way?” and tell them how you are grateful that they are including you, that they don’t have to go through this alone anymore.ģ. Instead, consider the journey they have been through. Do not ask them if they are sure, if maybe they want to take a little time and see what happens. You may have to work through a slate of brand new emotions about this, and your emotions will affect them, but theirs are not brand new. By the time they come out to you, they are pretty sure of what they’re saying. Perhaps they dated the opposite gender to see if passion might develop, and yet none did. They had to watch other young teens grow into puberty, and realize they weren’t developing the same feelings. In fact, they have probably lived with this quite a long time. They likely did not tell you the first time they noticed their same-sex attraction. This orientation is not news to your child. Ask God to replace your vision for your child with His.Ģ. Quite simply, they may not be God’s expectations. But those are your expectations for your child. Your expectations may lay shattered at your feet. He also reminded me of the many straight people who had traumatic childhoods, yet remained straight. To my surprise, God completely shifted my understanding and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood are still gay. As a younger Christian, taught that homosexuality is a sin, I believed that trauma somewhere in someone’s past caused homosexuality, even if they didn’t remember it. You did not cause this it’s not a failure on your part. In fact, it really has nothing do with you. They did not “choose gayness” to rebel against you, get back at you or make your life miserable. This is not something your child did to you. So let’s talk about some of the major stumbling blocks for Christian parents. Most parents’ first mistake is to make it about them instead of about their son or daughter. But at the bottom of it all, this is not about you. In many Christian circles, this is not good news, and you may begin to spiral into reflection and self-searching.
My hope is to guide you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness. I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe get a cup of tea, and soak in what I’m about to tell you. If you are a Christian parent, family member or friend to whom your loved one has come out as gay or lesbian, then this is for you. How could this be? What will the church say? What will your friends say? What does the future hold? You can’t even get your head around this. This is the child you have cradled, spoon fed mashed bananas, and dreamed a beautiful future for.
But for many Christian parents, nothing can prepare them to hear that their beloved child is gay. When you become a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.” This goes against everything you’ve been taught. “You want to shove those words back in and put the lid on.